used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
