Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
