i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
