I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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