so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
