Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
