your thong is hanging out like whoa
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
