Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
