haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
