I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
