So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
