Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
