it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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