why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
