He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
