quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
