3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I need to stop coming to work sober
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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