i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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