Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
