she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
