the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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