I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
