I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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