I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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