I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
