Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
