I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
