Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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