I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
