and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
