that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
