the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
