Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
