in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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