Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
