So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
