I can't watch pbs sober anymore
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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