ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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