she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The air taste purple.
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