i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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