There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
