Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
