Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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