the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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