Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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