At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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