Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
