just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
