I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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