i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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