If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
