I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
