i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
