You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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