I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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