someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
