Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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