Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
